I am sad

Why am I sad?

I am sad because I been through a lot of things by myself. Really a lot of things.

I don't share other than myself. Even towards my closest friend. Do I have close friends? I don't know. Who really understands me? I tried opening up to people. I did. I shared almost everything, but it doesn't seem to care a lot and I stopped. Why share to other people when that's my problem? Yes and this is the reason why I don't share. I'm so afraid to open up to someone I give my trust on and that person leaves. We are no longer talking anymore. I am afraid to open up myself to anyone because not everyone stays. What is the point of me sharing in the first place? Who really did something or effort to know more about me? It's just a conversation and that conversation shouldn't be why am I sad. Cause our friendship is just temporary.

I am a person who bottles things up and how do I relief that? To be honest, I wouldn't mind sharing. I club and I drink and I know what I am doing. I just need something for distractions and not think about it. People may think that it is an excuse. You can do so much more. No, you don't understand how dark my world is, no one understands. The pain, the mind, everything I've been through. I just need to escape. Escape from everything, alone from reality sometimes.Or maybe, for now, these are the only things for me to escape reality temporarily other than crying alone in the dark. Because even the slightest things can hurt me. Don't even mention to me about humans.