强颜欢笑

when I tell myself it's not pain, not like I never go through it before. But it's not, I can still feel it. Sometimes I just wonder how people actually manage to go through that tho. Every. single. time. me going thru this shit is like me going thru hell. and I feel that the problem lies in me. I couldn't blame anyone else. or to put it, I really don't bare to put the blame on them. because they did nothing wrong tbh. It's me. not them.

Sometimes, I really hate being kind to people but it's also sometimes I realize I can't change that. I bring my heart out to be who I am. and tbh how many people know that