Thursday, March 16, 2023

强颜欢笑

when I tell myself it's not pain, not like I never go through it before. But it's not, I can still feel it. Sometimes I just wonder how people actually manage to go through that tho. Every. single. time. me going thru this shit is like me going thru hell. and I feel that the problem lies in me. I couldn't blame anyone else. or to put it, I really don't bare to put the blame on them. because they did nothing wrong tbh. It's me. not them.

Sometimes, I really hate being kind to people but it's also sometimes I realize I can't change that. I bring my heart out to be who I am. and tbh how many people know that



Thursday, February 2, 2023

why do people come and go

I honestly hate it when people took another for granted. It's the same human being but why am I always taken for granted at things. Im done with this shit and I am just going to walk away from people like this. Just fucking stay the fuck away, blame me for being heartless or whatsoever. Dont give me all kinds of excuses and explanations. waste my time.

Monday, January 9, 2023

Random

ok, this is random but I am very happy my new bed is coming!! HAHAHHA, okthxbye.

Friday, December 9, 2022

Different perspectives, different looks, different types

One thing I've learn today, or probably just realise, was the title I mentioned above.


Yes, I agree that everyone has their ideal type, person, character, and personality. I was pretty strict blindly following my inner thoughts throughout the years that I shouldn't judge a book by its cover and focus more on its personality and how the other person treats me. ohwell, it didn't go well actually. Not that I expected it to happen but it was pretty sad that I've gone through something I put 100% or even 200% into someone and it didn't work out. Probably also why I gave up hope/ expectations and that is also something I've learned as well. Idk why though, I really want something, to build memories together, have fun, grow old together, and spend time not knowing what is happening around us but at the same time, I am afraid, in fact very scared to step out of that because I kept thinking I am going through that shit I went through before, and that's why I am pushing people away. I know it's bad, I know. but please, understand why I am doing that. 

The things I've been thru in life. Makes me a different person. Mature, independent, loyal, worthy, trustable, honest, and I can guarantee you won't regret that. HAHA, erm theeeee??? but of course, it comes with bad traits. I am not 100% perfect but I can guarantee I am a good person.

but nah, back to story. That is not what I want to share today.


I found out that everyone's perfection of an ideal type is different and of course, you have to see the individual that you found, you match, you meet, your vibe is different too. Let me give an example, your perfection of the opp sex is a tiny, little girl basically petite girl/woman is the one you like, your type! and you're very attracted to her obviously on the first meet-up, but let's say this petite cute little girl you expect to be sweet, kind, loyal and very cute is not! but however, you have already lured in and fallen in love with her. With a shit princess attitude, liar, betrayer, cheater and you just went in like that without knowing her first. Isn't it dumb? Ya you stupid ass, ended up with a broken heart and failed relationship. What a waste of time, just because she is your type doesn't mean you can accept whoever she is and just keep giving non-stop. And sadly that makes you turn into someone you're not or even become a player and play other people's feelings. I mean that's what happens to the current generations right. Kinda sad. hmm


How I come to think of this is that this is really very common nowadays - judging a book by its cover. The story people shared:

"I went to an online game gathering and I met everyone. However, this specific petite tiny cute girl isn't just cute but I was shocked that previously she was a police officer, going around catching thieves for many years, and then she became.." Idk what agent or something along the line. Not that I care to remember their taiji HAHAHA, you know me you know what I mean. In conclusion, their story was pretty simple but my mind is not, that's why I choose to write this. To be honest, I mean what I've said above is really common, and stupid dumb ass people never use their brains ok. ohmy pardon me, OR please. Let me rephrase "not mature enough". 


Definitely if you are able to meet your ideal type sure please go for it and work things out. Stay with them throughout no matter what struggles, or quarrels you have. One of my favorite quotes from an old man is:

"There are no perfect couples, there'll always be struggles, AND you just have to pick who you want to struggle with"

and that I strongly believe, there is nothing you can't overcome. Is whether you want her in your life or you don't.(Foreseeing 30, 40, 50 years and more)  But of course, not with someone who cheats and lies. red flagged aye. 



ok done with my bedtime stories, good night buddy. 

All the best!


Sunday, November 20, 2022

I need a break

Drinks, I need it very.badly. 


just want to be out of this world. 


有时候这样的生活我宁原不过, 有意思吗


我真的活的好累


Friday, October 14, 2022

Cycle

It's random but while I'm heading out at night, waiting for a bus ride. I realize when I saw loving grandparents heading out together I kinda teared alittle (good to have mask) and pretty envy them. How the old man taking care of his partner, walking side by side with her and always keeping a look out for her. At the same time, I also felt that there are some who were left alone in this world and they are just alone. Waiting to go home and live with life in the darkness until their times are up. Life is kinda sad isn't it?

You chase your partner, get together, having ups and downs, having kids, get old with illness and die. Or having kids, cheat, divorce and you just live your life and die. 

To imagine this cycle, I'm kinda tired to go thru it tbh. 

Tuesday, July 12, 2022

7 July 2022

 哭完就没事了。